Home > Uncategorized > Never take yourself too seriously.

Never take yourself too seriously.

I belong to a few author/reader loops and I love how authors get on there and share bits about themselves as well as their latest books. One of the places I go is Samhaincafe, Samhain is an e-publisher and a lot of my favorite authors are with them, anyway the cafe is Samhain’s yahoo group. (go here to check them out – http://groups.yahoo.com/group/samhaincafe/) One of my favorite authors on this loop is S.J. Willing, writer of futuristic erotic romance. The man never fails to crack me up and as soon as I see his name on a post I can’t wait to see what he’s come up with now. And yes you heard right, S.J. is a guy who writes romance. How cool is that? I haven’t read any of his stuff yet but I’ve not long been introduced to the futuristic genre so it’s only a matter of time, but if his posts at Samhain are anything to go by I’m gonna love him.

As I said it’s a author/reader loop so there’s often questions for authors from the readers. Sandie brave soul that she is as a tough one the other day. She wanted to know how an author got from the idea stage to the published book stage. I’m gonna share with you S.J.’s reponse, with his permission of course. You can find him here – www.sjwilling.com/ Go check him out, writing romance in any of it’s flavors is tough but doing it when you’re a guy deserve an extra pat on the back.

Here’s S.J.’s response to Sandie:

How to write a book

1. Drink beer, brandy, lsd, psychadelic drug.
2. Enjoy the hallucinations. .. get a book idea.
3. Drink beer, discuss idea with friends.
4. Decide (with friends) that the four purple-armed, six probulated alien hero would be much too weird for human/alien sex.
5. Change alien’s probules to three.
6. Write idea down.
7. Scrap Idea.
8. New idea! An alien heroine!
9. Keep the three probules.
10. Plot out rough series of scenes. Five to a chapter.
11. Plot out chapters using plotted scenes.
12. Decide a one chapter novel isn’t long enough. Drink beer.
13. Plot out five chapters, one plotted scene in each. Drink beer.
14. Drunken revelation of great ending scene!
15. Replot five chapters using male alien hero with seven probules.
16. Friends say ending sucks.
17. Redo steps 7. to 12. Drink beer.
18. Sit down to write.
19. (One page later) Pace the house moaning about writers block.
20. Empty trash, mop floors, vaccuum, cook, do laundry, watch tv and complain about writer’s block.
21. Spend all week moaning about writers block, go to bar friday night with the boys complaining about writers block.
22. Get drunk.
23. Stagger home and write 150 perfect pages of prose.
24. Collapse in a drunken stupor.
25. Wake up, look at book, throw up.
26. Tear up 149 pages. Drink beer.
27. Sit down, write six pages a day, ignoring everything else.
28. Many weeks (and beers) later finish book.
29. Show to friends.
30. After laughter dies down, decide where to hide the bodies after widespread slaughter.
31. Send to Editor.
32. Editor sends back.
33. Stomp around house, wail, scream, threaten suicide/murder.
34. Send to another Editor.
35. Another editor sends back.
36. Repeat 33.
37. Repeat 34. to 36. until no new editors left.
38. Tear out hair, tear up book.
39. Drink all beer in fridge.
40. Go buy more beer.
41. Drink beer.
42. Go back to novel, self edit, lose 40 pages.
43. Drink beer, promise dog to come to bed soon.
44. Send novel to writer friends to critique. Send them beer.
45. Novel comes back minus 40 pages.
46. Drink beer, kick dog, threaten to anhilate all humanity.
47. Change to brandy.
48. Dog looks even more attractive.
49. Get new brandy bottle.
50. Feel happy. Book looks great.
51. Send book to editor.
52. Editor sends back book, asks for changes.
53. Repeat 33.
54. Drink brandy, does cautious dance with dog.
55. Change book.
56. Repeat 51.
57. Editor accepts book. Sends contract.
58. Punch boss, quit job. Drink brandy, dog is looking very attractive.
59. Editor sends back book minus 40 pages.
60. Repeat 33. and kick dog.
61. Drink brandy.
62. Reluctantly make editorial changes, return book.
63. Bite fingernails, wait. Drink brandy.
64. Wait. Drink.
65. Wait even more.
66. Drink more brandy, start to starve. Fight off ravenous dog.
67. Drink a double. Beg boss for job back. Drink another double.
68. Now working as janitor for old boss. Drink a double. Still waiting.
69. Cover art comes through.
70. Sing, dance, boast, drink many doubles, think about punching boss until hungry dog gnaws at ankle.
71. Repeat 63 to 65 and Drink more doubles.
72. Book is published. Yay!
73. Spend the next (most important promo months) in detox…
74. Come out of Detox, Drink a beer.
75. Rejoice! You are a writer!

S. J. Willing
Science Fiction Erotic Romance Author
http://www.sjwillin g.com

Remember this is tongue in cheek and isn’t really how to write a book, at least I don’t think it is. Maybe that’s why I’m not published yet! I’m doing it all wrong!

‘See’ ya soon.


Categories: Uncategorized
  1. April 3, 2008 at 10:51 am

    OMG! I love it! Just change the beer to margaritas and I’m there. *g*

  2. April 3, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Now I know what my problem has been…I didn’t switch to brandy…

  3. April 3, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    *hic* It isn’t how you write a book? Darn, gonna have to get me a beer and think about this one…

    *wondering–maybe I should have given the hero ten probules…*


  4. April 3, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    S.J. my sides are hurting! But it’s a good hurt. Laughter is definitely the best medicine and I needed a dose today.

  5. Dani
    April 3, 2008 at 6:01 pm

    Rachel, S.J.’s good for a great laugh. He’s threapy in a PC! I know because he keeps me laughing all the time on the Coffee Time Forums (even when I feel awful). 🙂

  6. April 8, 2008 at 4:06 am

    Love it… he sounds an absolute hoot! Going over to check him out right now!!!

    Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement too! They’re the little bits that keep me from going “what the hell am I trying to prove??!”


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